Fashion Police: Miss Uganda 2019 Edition – Eddy Kenzo, Judith Heard, Zahara Totto and More

So Miss Uganda happened. The thing is …there was just as much if not more fashion drama behind the scenes than on the stage. Fashion police is here to comment on some of those looks that braved the red carpet on that electric night. For a beauty pageant, lemmie just say things weren’t that pretty as you’ll see for yourself…

Anita Fabiola

We get it. You’re gorgeous. Not sure it was a wise decision to layer such a wet look with a dress so shimmery, but you go girl! Get rid of the awkward blue shrub above your left hip, and I’ll excuse the shimmery sash across your clavicle. The way the dress flows is simply beautiful though. I have no complaints about your make up. 8 out of 10.

Sheilah Gashumba

We’re off to a good start. I can’t find any flaws with your outfit (and believe me I’ve looked) I love the color. Love the playful balance between shiny and flat. Love the contrasting makeup. 10 out of 10.

You didn’t even try. I shan’t waste my breath either.

They should call this the fall of the silver surfer. I won’t lie. It has the potential to look good, but it makes me so unhappy. It looks less like an outfit and more like a hurried spray paint job if you know what I mean. The colors are cold and so is the make-up. The anklet doesn’t co-ordinate with the rest of the attire. Until you find the rest of your top, we’ll have to settle for 2.5 out of 10.

This could have been a ten. (cries)  You had to go for the pale orange drapery. You just had to. You could have easily chosen any other color and this would have looked ten times better. Fallen angel. 7 out of 10.

Zahara Totto

Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhh-no. Your foundation is noticeably two shades lighter than your already light complexion. This ain’t it. The dress looks like it’s uncomfortable and honestly you could have done so much better. The shoes are super cute though, you have that going for you which is nice. 3 out of 10.

Five minutes after this picture was taken I bet you realized that this was the red carpet for the Miss Uganda finale and not the Sunday church service at your local born again church. 2 out of 10.

Sis your skin is fifty shades darker than your foundation. It’s a good thing you draped your hair across your neck so that we wouldn’t notice. Your hands sold you out though. The fabric of the dress is beyond beautiful but then you decided-nope! “Let me ruin any chance I have of getting a good grade by wearing poorly hemmed sleeves” and- 4 out of 10 girl. 4 out of 10.

This is some kind of joke right? This has to be some kind of joke. It would have cost you absolutely zero shillings to stay in your house and not do this to our eyes. Zero. Which is honestly more than the grade you deserve.

You look like an angry dryad but that dress looks hella comfy! The black shoes were a terrible choice considering the design is already understated enough as it is. Don’t get me wrong, I love the dress. The shoes should have just been anything but black to make them really pop. 4 out of 10.

Doreen Mirembe

I love it. I mean come on-it’s pink! The floral detail and texturing are beautiful. You look like a lovely garden-in a good and wholesome way. 10 out of 10.

Okay I can’t be the only one getting senior four prom vibes. It’s a really solid good look-but for a wrong occasion. The olive green should have been something more alluring, people its Miss freaking Uganda!. 0 out of 10.

Where do I begin processing this? Did they invite you at the last minute? Is that it? Are you shocked because you forgot to accessorize and had to grab the nearest dress off the rack on short notice? Do you want to go home and wear your real outfit for the night? Because I’d let you go in a heartbeat sis. The opposite of trying is what you’re doing. 1 out of 10.

Okay I’m just going to ask. Who is paying you women to wear this one arm drapery thing that hangs uncomfortably down your left side. How much are they paying you? I don’t like the fit of the skirt. By don’t like I mean I hate it. I hate the outfit. It doesn’t flatter you at all. And yet your neck upwards is so appealing. It’s a great disappointment really. 3 out of 10

Judith Heard

Either you look good dressed as a tree or you don’t. You my dear, are lucky to be in the former category. Someone once said that women who rock mid-parts are the most powerful creatures on the planet. I think there’s significant truth to that statement. You have taken everything I hate (Forest green, mismatched arms, red lipstick) and somehow turned it into an ensemble I can and would work with. I’m hard pressed but I love it. Get rid of the watch though. 9 out of 10

I’m not sure what I’m looking at here exactly. I hate a lot of things and orange is one of them. Another thing I hate is orange paired with blue. A third thing I absolutely detest is deep orange paired with light blue. Like why? I can only weep for the tailor that invested tireless hours into this monstrosity. For that poor tailors sake you get 1 out of 10.

Eddy Kenzo

Orange may be the new black but some things are just flat out disrespectful. The fitting of these clothes gives off the vibe of one wearing his father’s hand me downs. I’m a sucker for monochrome but you my good sir could have done so much better with a color as vibrant as pumpkin orange. On account of the fact that I have seen so much worse-you get a 3 out of 10.

Mwaj Ahmed

Ugh. Mami. Yes. Yes. This is chic, this is beautiful. The shoes suck but every thing else is amazing. The blonde hair looks better than I would have imagined and I’m eating this look up. 8 out of 10.

I have never found something so ugly and yet loved it so much. Must be the hair and the deep ombre of your lipstick. I hate the dress. I hate the weird flowery extensions that make you look more parrot than human, but I can’t stop looking at it. You look good. The dress is dead-ugly but you look so good. The bag and the shoes are perfect. 7 out of 10.

I love the crisscross detail on the cleavage but short of that there’s nothing to talk about here. Yawn. Neeeeext

I’m a sucker for men in pink but alas this outfit is too casual for the affair. 4 out of 10. Your hair is amazing though!

You are the physical manifestation of the word glamorous. You’re dripping white-gold 10 out of 10.

The baby pink complements your skin tone more than perfectly madam. The hair and earrings are understated but you look like a Disney princes. 9 out of 10.

No. Just no. Nein. Nedda. Iye. Ku. Non. No. No. No. Stop it. Now and forever amen. There isn’t a figure low enough to express how I feel about this.

Honeeeeyyyyyy. I may be biased by your cheekbones but that dress is glamorous. The fish tail flatters your wiry physique effortlessly and the neck piece is timeless. I love that you added a splash of color under the netting and there’s honestly nothing I don’t love. Head to toe. 15 out of 10

You are so lucky it’s not my job to grade poses. The dress is nice. This means that it wasn’t bad enough for me to remember. Gorgeous hair, gorgeous shoes. I’m bored just commenting on everything okay? Snooooooze. 5 out of 10.

Now this is how things are done on the red carpet. You show the f’ up looking like a bedazzled crime boss. Glamorous honestly. This look is the only thing keeping me from entering a depressive slump after all the nonsense I’ve had to witness. Thank you. Mwa! 10 out of 10.

Bye for now! Have thoughts? Sound off in the message box below.

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