Love Rush: Who is Valentine’s Day really For?

Of all the internationally celebrated days on the calendar, 14th February is met with contention. Some love it, some hate it – others want to ignore it. Whether you like the day or not, walking outside into town will remind you by force. Red and black, everywhere. Rose peddlers on the street, and gift baskets being ferried around on boda bodas.

The origin of the day is somewhat bittersweet, coming from ancient Rome where Emperor Claudius II banned his soldiers from getting married, claiming it made them unfocused. A guy named Valentine thought that this decree was unfair, and in defiance, hosted secret weddings for them. He was jailed for his actions. Because he put his life on the line for people to have a chance at love, his bravery was celebrated. It has since devolved into the burst of red that it is today.

We live in a day and age where the word love comes with complications, and the polarized feelings surrounding the 14th of February reflect that. So, the question remains, who is Valentine’s Day really for?

This question came up when we were on set shooting with Mulenzi Joel, our cover star for February. “I don’t really care to celebrate Valentine’s Day,” he commented. “That day is for you ladies.”

That had me stumped for a response. Most flower and gift package deliveries are going to the ladies, but it never occurred to me that maybe the guys held some resentment over not being celebrated as well. I know for fact women are preparing extravagant packages for the men in their lives, but we know that the percentage of women doing that is significantly less than the guys.

Established couples most likely have a routine set by now. Some have a habit of going out to dinner on the day, or at least exchanging cards. The longer the couple has been together, the seemingly smaller the gestures become. Is this because of being too used to each other? Not wanting to waste resources on chocolates and perishable flowers? Or is something deeper at play?

Internet commentator Toni Tone commented recently saying, “the women who don’t usually cause too much of a fuss about Valentine’s Day are those who have experienced different instances of romance throughout the year. The girls who have never received a flower or a ‘just thinking of you’ gift might feel stronger about the day because it is a prompt for something to happen.” Like if he doesn’t show you, he loves you on a day associated with love, does he even?

I think her comment makes a lot of sense when it comes to understanding the pressure women put on men, especially the ones who are nonchalant. But in a situation like that, everyone loses. Flowers that you have to beg for don’t quite hit the same as the ones he picked out excitedly, himself. And he probably is resenting her for making him do something he doesn’t want to do. On a weekday like this year’s V-day has been, she might feel a pang of jealousy run through her when she sees the large, bright bouquets waltz past her when office deliveries happen. A girl like that might be better off working from home for the day.

Even when you aren’t in front of the lovesick celebrants, social media is rife with reminders. Cute couple photoshoots, snapchats of gifts, bae-cations and everything in between awaits those who might fancy the lazy scroll. This makes me think of the single people around this time. Valentine’s day is for celebrating love, but is love limited to the romantic kind? Jokes are flying around already about the women who aren’t spoken for, and once more we see guys being ignored from the discourse. ‘Valentine’s is coming, where’s your boyfriend?’ is resounding in the ears of singles everywhere; it’s almost a shame for women to be alone as if they are worth any less on their own. The guys might feel lonely, but they have bullied each other to not care (or look like they don’t care). This is part of the reason why this month’s editorial featured a guy in the spotlight because men deserve to be showered in gifts and love too. The funfair of the day needs to be shared across the genders.

However, I admire one particular group of singles who have managed to celebrate the day even when they are Un betrothed. Galentine’s day is a term coined by ladies who prefer to celebrate Valentine’s Day with their circle of girlfriends, instead of watching everyone else. Women have this knack for cultivating fulfilling relationships with each other, supporting themselves, and participating in all the fanfare of pink and red, roses, wine, and dinner. No one has to feel alone in this case.

There is one glaring winner in all this – businesses have flourished because of the holiday, making a killing selling ‘romance’ to the masses. The town is painted red, gift baskets are advertised on every WhatsApp Status, roses are sold out on the day, hotels are booked out and the wine is flowing. Every business that has any sense has jumped in with its own valentine’s day sale, even those selling something as unromantic as toothpaste will find a way to market their product as the perfect gift. The commodification of the day of love seems to be a reason people dislike it so much, and I’d understand that – if the commodification of special days stopped them before. I’ve never heard a complaint that Christmas has been so commercialized that they no longer celebrate it. If you do not want to participate in the money-making, soul-sucking practice, then do it your way. Cook a special meal at home, write them a letter and serenade them. There’s so much you can do to celebrate the day without lining someone else’s pockets. If your partner, however, looks on longingly as another person receives a bouquet of 50k bills and Lindt chocolate, well, I don’t know what to do for you.

Whether love is best shared with your family, friends, or lover, take a moment this month and indulge. It’s just a day. I don’t think that is too harmful, is it?

Credits

Model: @iam_mulenzi

Photography: @afriartmoments

Creative Direction: @esquisse_256

Story: @atwiin3

Satisfashionug@gmail.com

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