Fashion Police

This Week’s Worst Looks Are Here

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Disclaimer: The views expressed in this column do not reflect those of Satisfashion UG. The Fashion Cop gives zero f*cks about your wounded feelings, so suck it up and for your own safety, don’t dress like a tard.

Lizzo

Never in the history of fashion has so little fabric been thinned so much to reveal so much that needs to be covered so badly. My mother covered her eyes in embarrassment – I did too

VERDICT: FLOP
3/10

Now this is fashion! Accessorizing the box dress with the hair was a genius idea. I adore

VERDICT: FLY
9/10

Cardi B

Cardi needs to have that hem fixed the same way her face was.
Nice face – bad dress, what a combination!

VERDICT: MEH
4/10

A Pass and Ykee Benda

Busy – that’s what these outfits are, they are busy being ugly. Dear young grasshoppers, you skipped from beginner all the way to intermediate and that’s why you look like that. If I had a dog that looked like these two, I’d shave its ass and make it walk backwards

VERDICT: FLOP
1/10

Rachel K

Rachel K has all the fashion knowledge in the world but cannot apply it to herself hence the gaudily ugly look.

VERDICT: MEH!
4/10

Lynda Ddane

This is what happens when you call in favors and borrow clothes from your boutique owner friends – you end up looking like a child snatcher at a local kindergarten.

VERDICT: FLOP
0/10

Eddy Kenzo

All that orange would scare the chrome off a bumper.

VERDICT: FLOP-ISH
5/10

Nina Roz

Who hit Nina with that ugly hat? Who ruined that nice dress? I mean, every girl has the right to wear one ugly outfit a year, but she has abused the privilege!

VERDICT: FLOP-ISH
5/10

Zahara Totto

A good bra would save Zahara from the zigzag situation on her chest but nothing, absolutely nothing can save her from that green ugly newspaper print coat. On Halloween, all the kids will dress up to look like her.

VERDICT: FLOP
1/10

Khanyi Mbau

With underwear peeping out of the dress and camel toe on full display, she looks like she’s had more meat through her than an abattoir. The dress is glamorous and would have been perfect had it not been for the feather arms, underwear and ugly flower girl stockings

VERDICT: TOO MUCH!
6/10

Jackie Chandiru

Bye Welcome back Jackie! Your outfit too is just as welcome as a fart in a phone booth – that dress is….. A CHOICE. And we know it’s hard to change but please change that hairstyle because it makes your ears look like a taxi cab with both doors open.
Nice nails though.

VERDICT: MEH!
4/10

Bye!

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Morningstar is a makeup artist, an aspiring writer, a fashion critique and a pageant enthusiast. The sweetest thing North of the Nile and South of the Sahara.

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