Are Wedding Vows Really A Big Deal?

Traditional Vows

Song of Solomon 8:6-7: “Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised.”

As a child I sat in through church weddings often. My mom always carried me because my father never went to any unless they were close friends and family. My mom and I did the loitering. And each time the couple was reciting vows, I recited along, word by word that I didn’t need the order of service. I had no idea what they meant.  I mean, have attended weddings since the age of six probably. For me they were recited over and over and it was the same thing so cramming them wasn’t hard.

What is in a church vow?

Lately Pastor Bugingo has been arguing Marriage and of course flipping scripts here and there but I wouldn’t know. I am not a preacher. I notice many times couples recite these vows like it’s just another song or the Periodic table and you need it to pass exams. These words are not glued on our hearts therefore we make no meaning out of them. I interacted with a few marrieds and I asked a gentleman why he choose church vows as opposed to his own like the western world people do and he said “no one will hold me accountable if I mess them up because I only said what I was told to say”

A lot is in the traditional vows given the fact that by the time you decide on marriage then you are ready to stay with your partner throughout the rains and when the sun comes out your still together. I don’t know if the Muslim brothers have vows but I definitely know there’s a commitment pledge.

However it’s not compulsory to recite church vows, you can always come up with your own vows that mean something to you for this is a promise/commitment that will not simply hold both of you together forever but keep you two together. Just as the Christian couples in the western world. Personal vows may hold a great power of commitment because it’s your heart speaking but also if you understand the traditional vows, it will be just more than reciting. It’s a great place to introduce some colour and make your vows more relevant to the relationship you have with your partner.

Therefore, I really believe vows hold more than most people think.

I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

Variations on this wording are available. The original wedding vows, from the Book of Common Prayer a book that dates back to 1549 required the bride (and only the bride) to vow to obey her husband. It is perhaps not surprising that the most modern form of vows no longer includes that one-sided commitment! In fact they date back to the Sarum rite which was used in Mediaeval England.

The Sarum ritual was a set of procedures followed for celebrating any kind of Christian public worship, including masses, liturgies and special occasions such as weddings.

“To have and to hold from this day forward”

This key part of the wedding vows comes early on; it’s the crux of your whole vows. You’re making the promise that as of today, you’re a team who face the world together!

While getting married in a place of worship is important to many, Civil marriages often allow couples to choose their own marriage vows, and although many civil marriage vows are adapted from the traditional vows, a great number of couples these days choose a civil ceremony; without religious references. In that case, the prescribed vows are more simple, but no less meaningful.

They weren’t written from one scripture. It was a build-up of scriptures about marriage, divorce and adultery.

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