Kampala Crème is the reality show to really pioneer reality shows onto Ugandan TV viewing. The essence of bringing the Cream of Kampala into the same spaces with a camera present is enticing. Arguments about who the actual celebrity that the show is meant to host are endless and I will not indulge, but the one we have is the one I will comment on. I’m here to complain about something else entirely. Everyone I like to watch or root for, ends up leaving.
First it was Gloria. When the show first debuted, the dynamics were split evenly. The young vs older, boujie and… a little less boujie. Which meant, the younger duo of Gloria and Etania who are very old money & new money dynamic meshed well with the Mami Deb and Zahara pairing, who were the ladies who also have aspects of old money & new money. Sometimes Gloria was paired with Deb to make the old money pairing, but Zahara and Etania immediately didn’t see eye to eye so the old money vs new money dynamic was mostly abandoned. The show mostly worked. I was presently surprised when I heard Gloria’s sharp tongue – she was very clearly announcing that she is no longer “Baby” Gloria!
When she left, for whatever reasons behind the scenes (I heard voice recordings were involved), a void was left, which Etania filled perfectly.
At the time of her leaving, Etania was the comedic relief of the group, and is frankly why a lot of people tune in. She perfectly frames the ridiculousness of some of the shenanigans the group gets into, she’s the voice of the everywoman, the Jim Halpert of the group. If ever I was laughing at the show, it was a comment she made. The rest of the reaction was mostly jaw dropping shock and passivity. Etania moved with a light confidence around the different scenarios thrown in her face, letting the other ladies know she was not one to bully.
Her bodacious performance in the absence of backup from Gloria was the reason she was decided as our February cover. “Kampala‘s It-Girl” we called her. I have no idea what could get her to leave so definitively. Will she be back by popular demand, like what happened at NRG (allegedly)? Because I was rooting for her. Kampala Crème is catching on in a lot of places across Africa and it looks like Etania is already reaping the rewards of that kind of reach.
The rest of the show is… a lot. I relate with less and less of the remaining cast. Mami Deb definitely thrives in a pair. It’s interesting how everyone who is aligned with her eventually leaves the show, but I won’t dwell on this point. I’ve also noticed that she is easy to rile up, and the Zahara X Laika combo is going to drag her to their level if she doesn’t own her posture. Luckily right now she is paired up with her husband, Micheal, who I suspect will fill the role of comedic relief in Etaina’s absence.
I don’t see him caring too much about why anyone is fighting with anyone else, nor is he backing up his woman in the way that actually matters to her or the show’s dynamics. He’s just there because he wants to, and seems amused by it all, if anything. The other pairing is somehow Deb’s assistant Ruth… I don’t know what to think of that just yet. So with these pairings, she is contending with two instigators standing on their own two feet, unwilling to share their 15 minutes.
I think the remaining cast seems very short-sighted about what their game is. Everyone is fighting with everyone, making purposeless digs at each other with seemingly no rhyme or reason, just fighting to fight. Starting fights to start them. Everyone has forgotten about being Head Bitch In Charge like other reality TV legends like Tiffany Pollard, Nene Leakes and even Zari on Young Famous and African. None of them were on “my man’s richer” Olympics. They were doing bodacious expressions of their personalities, work ethic, bad bitchery to its finest, with fluent readings handed back and forth like bullets. That’s why we tuned in.
This group seems more hungry to make a viral moment rather than play the chess of female relationships, which is far more interesting to watch. Deb crying about having the same car as Laika when it’s easy to see she’s trying to rise to her level, for example, is short sighted. You might find they aren’t even as combative outside the camera lens, which is why some fights feel forced. Sometimes the subtle stuff plays more memorable than outright insults. I don’t know if I can watch any more without the authentic pallet cleanser that is Etania.
I’m curious how this all will play out on the show.
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