The Hell-Sent Bridesmaid

The comedy began with the arrival of the bride and her attendants. As Bridget stepped out of her car, all but one bridesmaid rushed to her aid to straighten her veil and rearrange her dress. The “stray” bridesmaid seemed more engaged on her phone while posing for Snapchat stories and pouting her lips. This was the second red flag for us as the service providers catering to the bride; given that she had opted to have her hair done the day before and ended up with a hairdo so extravagant that personally, my drama-bone was already tingling.
I had joined this wedding team after the official makeup artist caught a terrible flu and even though I do not normally do last minute bookings, the money was too good for me to turn down. My friend Gracie, who had also recommended me for the job winked at me and puckered her lips at the tall plump bridesmaid, signalling that she was the real entertainment of the day.

We made our way into the church to await the entrance of the bridal party, the “wandering” bridesmaid stopped and had a conversation with many of the guests. This caused the procession to be halted and the bridal march to be well and truly over before the bride even reached the altar. If looks could kill, the daggers in my eyes could have finished her off. I started to feel nagged by her behaviour but couldn’t stop that bone from tingling – was I over enjoying the drama?  The ceremony started and appeared to be going well until the bridesmaid’s sneezing fit drowned out the exchange of the wedding vows, prompting undesired giggles, eye rolls and sighs from the congregation. The fun was just beginning and we hadn’t even reached the reception! At this stage I was wondering what else could possibly go wrong as her antics were quite petty and yet thoroughly entertaining. I thought for sure, we were either extras in a Hollywood movie or starring in an episode of The Real Housewives. Surely someone couldn’t possibly be this uncoordinated and be so lacking of decorum especially in the midst of a wedding ceremony.

Shall I set the scene for you? Gorgeous sunny day, blue skies, a beautiful park by the beach; an ideal location really for a very becoming bridal party to have their “official” photos taken. This was not to be the case as this bridesmaid continued to run a-muck and ruin just about every photo with her ridiculous behaviour. She was now more content to play with the groomsmen rather than tend to the bride, the look of horror was evident on the faces of all present. It was becoming apparent that this bridesmaid is “the one” that all those wedding magazines warn you about! And she got progressively worse as the afternoon wore on. The reception saw this “upstart” not only drink too much, dance like she was seizing and trip over the bride’s train but also eat like she was pregnant with a little Goliath while laughing like a prostitute at dusk.

The Father of the bride discreetly escorted the “unruly” bridesmaid to one side and proceeded to reprimand her. Let’s just say she was quiet from this point on and we were all able to enjoy the remainder of the festivities. But there was one last surprise to be had, the bridesmaid decided to graffiti obscenities all over a car that was revealed to us upon our departure to have belonged to her ex-fiance.

I imagine she was not pleased that he was still invited even after dumping her… maybe that’s why she acted that way. I don’t know. It was certainly an eventful wedding, to say the least, although not necessarily one that the bride and groom will remember warmly. A wedding is supposed to be a magical day and the last thing any bride needs is to be upstaged, hit or tripped by her bridesmaid. Beware, the hell-sent bridesmaid; she DOES exist and I saw her!

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