Manning Up: How STIs Usually Come From People You Least Expect To Have Them

I would have wanted to start with a disclaimer to this piece since some will ponder how I even have the audacity to talk about things like this. If it makes you feel better, I have hit a new low. Deal with it.

There are two things that really confuse a man. One of them is an ugly woman with a fine body and the other is when you hit your 40s and have to go in for a prostate exam or colonoscopy. No one ever talks about STIs.  Why? Because in our culture, everything related to sex is only discussed with oneself. This is why African culture will let curable diseases kill us. At the bottom of the barrel, getting an STI Is a true definition of septem horribilis. Mainly because a) you can’t talk about it with your girlfriend and b) you can’t talk about it with your parents because that’s plain disrespecting their whole purpose of giving birth to you. For now, you are on your own.

The most irritating thing about STIs ( please laugh because I just used a pun there) is that they usually come From people you don’t expect to have them. That prim Human Resource officer at work? That’s the one. The church girl? That’s the one. Your house-maid? Easy to suspect but not usually her. It’s after a few hours when you start to feel your penis burning that you vow not to judge people by what aura they exude. Then when you start to pee in trickles, you immediately recite a chastity vow. Trust me, STIs are never fun.

The best way to be a man is to confide in a fellow man friend or two. Make no mistake. They will laugh at you but still give you sound advice on which clinic they visited and also surprise you with tales of them in the same situation. You’ll be shocked you aren’t the first man to get crabs and/or HIV. Just hope it’s not HIV.  They will also pat you on the back and welcome you to the table of men before you all start to bash women.

All in all, always remember to wear a condom.  Your eyes don’t have equipment that detects who is fine and who isn’t. Also once you notice something itchy,  don’t hesitate to go to a doctor to pay him to look at Little Johnny. Finally, don’t eat your girlfriend’s peas because they are herpes!

j2008dave@gmail.com