Before the Vacay: The Truth Behind Those ‘Perfect’ Instagram Vacation Pictures

#goals, #takemakeback, #girlsvaccay, #bucketlist. You’ve seen the hashtags and bright pictures of Ugandan travelers in exotic locations. They are inspiring, perfect, designed to be envy inducing and sometimes they are. But people rarely document the behind the scenes action of organizing a trip on a Ugandan passport or tell you that there are some hurdles even after you do get your visa. If they did, those hashtags would include things like #visadrama, #givemevisa, #iwillcomebackhome!, #whysomeanembassypeople? #theflightalmostleftme, #runruncatchthatflight.

My friends and I went to Italy for vacation. It was beautiful but getting there was a lesson in patience. First off, Italy wasn’t actually our first choice. One member of the troop had already been, and we wanted this trip to be a new experience for the whole gang. The first choice was Spain. We had all seen the pictures, and couldn’t wait to immerse ourselves in the culture, the food, the color. After all those telenovelas and Narcos, we were sure we would be able to navigate with relative ease. Enteindes? Bueno.

Hurdle number one. There is no Spanish embassy in Uganda, rather they are represented by the French Embassy. The very swift and lovely Spanish consular who responds to emails told us this. As for the French embassy, swift, lovely and responsive, they are not. Rude is an understatement. Not only will they never respond to an email- yet they will ask you to send it and wait for a call from them-they will only answer the phone 1 out of 10 times. That one time? A rude foreign national will hang up on you because you are burdening her to do her job.

The alternative was to go to Kenya to get a Spanish visa. The Kenyan consulate was V professional. So helpful. So responsive.

Other people who tried to get a Spanish visa from the French embassy in Uganda experienced similar treatment, including from Ugandan workers. Which brings me to an interesting point: Why are Ugandans who work at embassies so rude to their country folk? It baffles the mind.

Even at more organized places like the British embassy, strange things happen. For instance, when the card machine at her majesty’s (this was BC-Before Charles) embassy in Uganda was down, some staff had a short cut; send it to the askari’s mobile money line but double the fee because we are doing you a favour.

Basically, the vibe at these embassies is that a Visa is the golden egg and the staff who issue it are the golden geese. Bow down.

Later, we had to run to catch our flight because we had been hanging out in the wrong terminal. Inzikuru would have been proud. This behavior is only a quarter of the hustle you have to navigate. We live in a country where some 80% of workers are in the informal sector and where a big chunk of the GDP comes from this sector. It is well known that things like a monthly salary, an employer letter, let alone an employer, a bank statement, are not always the norm in this sector. Embassies haven’t got that memo though.

Should you fall into this category, it doesn’t matter if you out earn your formally employed peers, your chances of leaving the country reduce. There is of course the option to prostrate yourself before any embassy to prove that you have enough money to travel. Prepare your sensitive company documents, land titles and more.

A friend once said that the money the average Ugandan is required to have per day in order to travel is double what the average European spends daily. (Don’t quote me on that) What are most foreigners asked to present to vacation in Uganda? It may depress you. Most get their visa when they land at EBB.

So, Italy it was! The art, food, history. Yes!

After all that and the horror stories I had heard about what Ugandans face at embassies, the treatment at the Italian embassy came as quite a shock. It was smooth as silk. It was so good that it made you forget you had to stand in the sweltering sun for however long it took and talk to the guards through a little square hole in the wall, on tiptoe if you are not vertically gifted. And if you think the sun is bad, imagine what happens when our beautiful weather switches to rain.

The Italian embassy was quick and organized. They deigned to extend human treatment to the people they were serving. This was a bit of a preview of the people in Rome. Welcoming, warm and friendly.

The vacation was bellisima!

But there were all the other cultural shockers that no one Instagram mentions like how to buy train and bus tickets for one. That in some areas, unless you reserve a seat at a restaurant for dinner, you may not eat that night, that in Rome, there are water fountains on the streets for you to drink whenever you feel like.

I can’t share everything that goes into portraying a hustle free holiday to Instagram, but I will tell you one more for free. That photo of the sunglasses, sun hat, beach-read and colorful drink doesn’t just happen, it is choreographed.

Mine came out like this because I was wearing the hat, my drink of choice is beer and the sea was just too beautiful for me to be bothered with perfection. #dotakemeback

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